Oh the heels of Chris Brown’s court date and his arraignment on April 6th, the media is buzzing with chatter about Rihanna’s return to his side.
What does this reconciliation mean to our youth? Young women, who look up to their celebrity idols, see a beaten and battered young lady return to the side of her abuser. They potentially see that this behaviour is acceptable and tolerable which couldn’t be further from the truth.
On February 8th, prior to the Grammy’s, recording artists and couple, Chris Brown and Rihanna got into a heated altercation allegedly over a text message which resulted in 19 year old Chris allegedly hitting, punching, biting 21 year old Rihanna as well as uttering death threats. Riahnna was allegedly able to escape further abuse by ripping the car keys from the ignition and sitting on them amidst a battery of punches and slaps which left contusions over the better part of her body.
A graphic photo of Rihanna’s injuries was later leaked to the media showing large contusions on her temples as well as bruises, bleeding and swelling.
The face, that so many of our young innocent females look up to, looked like this – at the hand of a man she cared for, supported and loved. Chris Brown did this:
After briefly leaving the United States, returning home to Bermuda, Rihanna has now returned and is staying with Chris in a Miami home owned by P. Diddy, amidst rumours that her and Chris have since wed.
Those that work in domestic violence will tell you that a victim will return to their abuser typically two or three times. The cycle of violence doesn’t end, but typically only escalates.
The Abuse: The victim is abused, be it physical or emotional
The Guilt: After an abusive incident, the abuser typically feels guilt for what’s been done to the victim
Rationalizing or Creating Excuses: The abuser gives the victim a reason why they hit, kicked, punch, verbally assaulted them. Typically blaming the victim for the abuser behaviour.
The Fantasy or Honeymoon Stage: Everything is glowing perfection. The abuser is pleasant, content and a joy to be around. The victim is swept off their feet all over again.
“Normal” Behaviour: Everything seems back to normal and on the right track, like the abuse was an isolated incident, or the abuser has really change their ways.
Then the abuse begins again. And round and around you go, typically increasing in frequency and severity.
Now, back to Rihanna.
Being in the position that she’s in – the fame, fortune and grandeur – there would have (hopefully) been more than enough support to help her through the tough time of leaving Chris and this horrible situation.
Do not misconstrue what I am saying, please. I am in no way trying to suggest that because she has money and fame it would be EASIER to leave. Money and fame do not replace fear – no way, no how.
Rihanna could have been the voice, the role model, that so may young women need when it comes to abusive relationships. She could have stood up and used this horrible situation for good, but instead she’s reaffirmed to her fans, abused women and young girls – our youth – that this is all right.
What about the next time? What about if Chris beats Rihanna again? What message does it send? What if it goes too far and she’s hospitalized or worse?
Not to mention, Chris. Chris is STILL on the ballot for a Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Award. This guy, who is all over the media as an abuser – charges with TWO felony accounts – is still viable to accept an award for Kid’s Favourite Male Singer? Are we approving his actions by pretending that none of this happened and going on as business as usual? Seriously?
I’m not going to preach how you should approach this topic with a child because God knows, I have no idea what I would say if mine understood the ramifications of this, and it’s really not my place to tell you what to do within your family structure, but I do implore you to think about it. What would you say? Would you say anything or just hope they knew and understood?
And, on the topic of domestic violence, have you had a chance to check out Maggie’s new endeavor, Violence UnSilenced?
The site was created with the sole intention of shedding light on the
epidemics of domestic violence and sexual assault by giving their
survivors a voice. Their survivors being some of those whom we read and interact with on a daily basis. This site is where many have been sharing their voice to let others know they are not alone.
I implore you to take a moment and show your support for those who have bared their souls at Violence UnSilenced.
Being a nursing mother is one of the most challenging things I’ve done.